Confronting people constructively

• Developing an ability to relate to people effectively is not just a matter of learning how to be nicer to them. We also have to confront people who do not live up to our expectations.
• But we don't have to blow them away or put them down.
• Blasting people is relating to them like a parent.
• Begging them to change is behaving like a child.
• An adult approach is balanced - saying enough that is positive to maintain their self esteem while encouraging them to change.
• Surprisingly many managers avoid confronting people.
• They want to avoid a scene and making people angry.
• They equate confrontation with losing their temper.
• Some people hate losing control of themselves so much they limit their ability to deal with others.
• Does confrontation have to be so all or nothing?
• Where would your current confrontations of others fall on a 10 point scale. Do you do none at all (zero) or would you be at 2 or 3?
• Anytime you ask people why they did something or why they did it that way, you are engaged in small scale confrontation.
• Also when you disagree or present an alternate view of anything.
• So, you are likely already 2 or 3 on the scale.
• What steps would move you from 2 or 3 to 5 on this scale?
• How can you build on what you have already been doing?
• Moving to 5 would be a great improvement even if you could never get to 7 or 8. Not many people would be above 5 anyway.
• See the page on assertiveness for further tips.