Influencing difficult people

What is your influencing style? Try this quiz.

Can you pinpoint why it is hard to influence your difficult person?

How have others succeeded in influencing him/her?

How can you adapt this approach to your style?

Ask more than one person who has influenced this person.

What are the common elements across their success?

Different people are won over by different approaches and styles.

What sort of appeal works with this person?

• Objective facts, numbers, bottom line benefits?
• Concepts, ideas, theories, strategy?
• Novelty, an idea that is off the wall, exciting, entrepreneurial?
• Enthusiasm, strength of conviction?
• Comprehensiveness, having thought of everything?
• Risk minimization, contingency plans, attention to detail?
• Warmth of relationship, social contact?
• Full involvement to create joint ownership of agreement?
• Trust that needs to be built up over time?
• Showing that you have a credible plan in place?
• Allegiance with peers that this person respects?
• Showing respect, perhaps deference?
• Taking time to fully understand and incorporate their needs?

Some of these preferences are complementary, others not.

No use giving detailed facts to someone who wants grand theories.

Or getting chummy with someone who just wants the facts.

Most people find it hard to resist an honest and full attempt to involve them and understand their needs. Listening never hurts.

Still, no single approach will work with everyone.

Will he/she listen to people differing in age, sex, background, etc?

If not, you might need to enlist help or be especially deferential.

Does this person have a chip on his/her shoulder such that resistance is likely to be high to just about anybody?

Try taking an advice-seeking approach. Ask what this person would like to see happen. Ask how he/she would advise you to build on their idea but also accommodate what you see as important. Try to enlist this person's support in selling a combined version to others.

Is this person feeling strong resentment or frustration for some real or imagined slight or injury?

Can you (gently) help him/her see how what you are suggesting could be an opportunity for him/her to demonstrate some leadership? Being a champion for a new idea might help raise this person's game.

The better you understand this person's issues the greater your chances of success. Prepare well by seeking advice from others and don't take an intial ''no'' as a final answer.