I hate saying no

• When we say no, we feel that we are rejecting people, saying either that they aren't important or that what they are asking us to do isn't important.
• So, it helps to counter this feeling in yourself by finding a way to affirm the importance of the person or task or both.
• Say something like ''This is an important job you are asking me to do and I would love to do it.''
• But you still need to say no - Try saying ''Yes, but...''
• You might say something like ''Let me see how I can best help you.'' Then give them advice, suggestions, references to other people - a facilitative type of help instead of a doing form of assistance.
• Take a coaching approach. Try to draw a solution out of them with open questions to get them to think of how they could do it. Convince them that you can be of more help to them if you teach them to fish rather than feeding them fish. Be a consultant or catalyst, not a doer.
• You can build on the importance statement by saying ''To do this job justice, I would need to set aside some other priorities, which unfortunately I'm not at liberty to do.''
• Or how about ''To do this important job justice, I would need to devote X amount of time to it. That means not finishing it for X number of weeks or months - too late for your needs.''
• If it's your boss, you might ask where he or she wants you to put this priority in relation to everything else you have to do. Negotiation of priorities is perfectly legitimate and not the same as saying a flat no.
• You need to convince yourself and your internal customers that everyone needs to operate strategically to be effective. This means focusing on a small set of things for which you can add the most value. Trying to do everything is not strategic and may result in not doing anything very well.
• Think of the 80-20 rule. 80 percent of the value you add will be added by only 20 percent of your actions. Hence, most of what you do could be dropped without any real loss.
• The bottom line here is to find a way of being helpful without either saying no or taking on the burden of the extra work yourself.