Welcome to Coaching2Grow for tips on how to improve your personal effectiveness and success at work.. For free articles that challenge status quo thinking on leadership see our main site: Lead2XL.

  • What is your influencing style? Try this quiz.
  • Can you pinpoint why it is hard to influence your difficult person?
  • How have others succeeded in influencing him/her?
  • How can you foster trust with this person?
  • How can you adapt this approach to your style?
  • Ask more than one person who has influenced this person.
  • What are the common elements across their success?
  • Different people are won over by different approaches and styles.
  • What sort of appeal works with this person?
    • Objective facts, numbers, bottom line benefits?
    • Concepts, ideas, theories, strategy?
    • Novelty, an idea that is off the wall, exciting, entrepreneurial?
    • Enthusiasm, strength of conviction?
    • Comprehensiveness, having thought of everything?
    • Risk minimization, contingency plans, attention to detail?
    • Warmth of relationship, social contact?
    • Full involvement to create joint ownership of agreement?
    • Trust that needs to be built up over time?
    • Showing that you have a credible plan in place?
    • Allegiance with peers that this person respects?
    • Showing respect, perhaps deference?
    • Taking time to fully understand and incorporate their needs?

Influencing skills and trust

  • Some of these preferences are complementary, others not.
  • No use giving detailed facts to someone who wants grand theories.
  • Or getting chummy with someone who just wants the facts.
  • Most people find it hard to resist an honest and full attempt to involve them and understand their needs. Listening never hurts.
  • Still, no single approach will work with everyone.

Other barriers you might face

  • Will he/she listen to people differing in age, sex, background, etc?
  • If not, you might need to enlist help or be especially deferential.
  • Does this person have a chip on his/her shoulder such that resistance is likely to be high to just about anybody?
  • Try taking an advice-seeking approach. Ask what this person would like to see happen. Ask how he/she would advise you to build on their idea but also accommodate what you see as important. Try to enlist this person's support in selling a combined version to others.
  • Is this person feeling strong resentment or frustration for some real or imagined slight or injury?
  • Can you (gently) help him/her see how what you are suggesting could be an opportunity for him/her to demonstrate some leadership? Being a champion for a new idea might help raise this person's game.
  • The better you understand this person's issues the greater your chances of success. Prepare well by seeking advice from others and don't take an intial ''no'' as a final answer.

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